he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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