They should really pass out barf bags in church
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
