dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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