I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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