just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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