another moral hangover. fuck.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
