My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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