oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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