non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
