i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
