1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
