i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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