just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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