the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
