just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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