Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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