i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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