I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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