I heard we made out
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
