maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize