Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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