Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
