hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
