I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
