True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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