and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He better not be in your backpack
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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