Apparently you make a good broom.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want to fling myself into the sun
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
