ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
