do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
