when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
