Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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