I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
