I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
