I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize