everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
