woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
