Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
