Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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