why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
