the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
