Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
