My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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