last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
