As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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