I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm like, not good at living.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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