Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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