so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
