bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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