pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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