I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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