I want to make a zoo with you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
