it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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