you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
