all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
