you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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