I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize