So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
