Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
