Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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