i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
