drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
