420 ftw
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
