its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ladies don't puke and tell