I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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