I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.