Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
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You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.